Tailgating and a Football Game

This past Saturday I went with my friends Sarah and Ryan Ayme tailgating. I then was privileged to go with my new friend Box to the LSU football game. We played washers also known as "redneck horseshoes" and Box and I ALMOST beat Ryan and Cliff but alas the final throw came down to me and I was not successful. But it was so close and Cliff and Ryan were sure nervous. I had a fantastic time learning about LSU, their traditions and cheers. I think that I will enjoy football season next year for sure.

Thanks you friends for such a wonderful "cultural" experience and a great day!

Elizabeth M. likes LSU football

All who Wonder, are Not lost

The tittle of this post is a quote from Tolkien and was on a card that my friend sent to me as encouragement. Accompanied in this card were some inspirational words and a quote that I want to share with you.

The Quote:

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'i will try again tomorrow'".

My friend wrote this to me after I shared my fear about now knowing what is next.

"I for sure understand what you're saying about not going somewhere, i'm feeling a lof of that now, but (beth) WE are not lost, nor have we lost our way! Maybe standing with nothing in front of you is a test to see if you can stay standing. Stand, Beth! Stand! Know that you are not alone."

Its taken me almost a month to write my friend back because I wanted to match her inspirational something or other but alas i have not found anything as inspiring as that.

So she is getting a magnet and a card too. However, they may inspire nothing more then the need to send me back a card. Which is something i can live with...

Elizabeth M, loves to send cards.

Superwomen...keeps going and going....and..

I was reminded today of the fact that I am not invincible. Nor can I continue to run around like the energizer bunny. I need to learn to take care of my self just a little better.

I ended up in the urgent care room with my BFF sarah, for several hours. My condition endometriosis, seems to have reminded me that its still there and i need to pay attention to what my body is telling me.

And what is my body telling me you ask?

ONE: eat!

Two: rest, or I will be in crazy amounts of pain

Three: exercise (to strengthen overall health)

Solution:

I now have the food to eat THREE times a day

I'm planning a stress free week (planning not ness. getting)

And come rain or "snow", i'm gong to go to the Proving Ground this week. (Even if my store is on fire).

I make fun but I truly was worried today, I often forget that I need to take care of my body. Please be believing with me that I will not only find a balance but that my condition can be controlled by a new medication and effort to put myself first.

Thank you for your payers and belief

Always, Elizabeth M.

Christmas already

I have sent out Christmas cards for over 7 years now. Its something i look forward to each year as October and November approach. I have been wanting to NOT brake my tradition this year but feel the typical "seasons greetings" and yea!, look how happy i am, does not fit my life, nor would i want to send that type of card out missing an opportunity to truly connect with my loved ones.

So with some thought and waiting on an idea that would fit this year, i have come up with something that i hope will bless each person on my Christmas Card List.

Yes its a secret! But i'm excited to prepare the cards. I will be alone (without family, and a husband) this year for the holidays, so i'm hoping that i will find some comfort in connecting with those i love through cards.

Please be in payer for me as I enter into a season of celebration, differently then it has been for me the past few years. I'm believe for the best always.

So let the crafting begin!

Elizabeth M...makes Christmas Cards!

100 Miles an hour...possibly in the wrong direction.

I have made up my mind. I want to work for CC's and Live in Baton Rouge. So when they called to offer my job. I decided to move back. I did not tell many people and I think I might have hurt a few. But this is where I want to start my life now. I want to be here, in Baton Rouge.

My friend Danielle sent me a card that talked about standing with nothing in front of you. She cheered me on saying that just because I don't know what is before me does not mean i have lost my way and maybe choosing to stand in spite of the fact may be strength unforeseen.

I think I have a lot of strength, and I hope faith too. I really don't know what is next. But I feel there is a journey that began some time ago. Its going to cause me to grow and i know that part of that will require sacrifice, discipline, and obedience. I think the first two i can do but that last one seems to kick my but. Primarily because, I think to much and rely too much on LOGIC.

As for running in the wrong direction (as titled for the post) i don't know. I DO know that i'm done running...i'm going to sit still for awhile and listen.

Elizabeth M

A video that I like from Casting Crowns:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEhRucEVzH8&ob=av3n

Front Porch Swings and Hot Cups of tea

This topic has come up several times for me in the past few months. Not truly of front porch swings but of a life of simplicity and peace. I used to dream of being the one who "rocked" this world. But recently, I revisited a piece of scripture that I meditated on as a youth. Its in ecclesiastics and it talks about how there is nothing better then for a man to do his work and be happy.

I want to work and be happy. I had dreams of traveling the world, speaking to thousands, and really being somebody. But now, after all I have seen, i just want to be near the ones i love and have peace.

I was talking with my brother and I really would love to move with him to a place that would allow us to live out our lives in quiet solitude. Justin tells me to be realistic, so i told him ok lets go tomorrow. But really, how great would it be to live happily? To face what comes with peace, patience, and stillness.

But what of Gods plans you ask? I'm a lover of Gods word and Gods people. Why not spend my life knowing God, and believing for the people he has placed in my life now. What greater needs are there to be lifted to heaven, then that of my friend with a narcotic addiction, my family member with deep rooted pain driven by loss, or my acquaintance with a weary and unsaved soul?

For I do not know the plans God has but he alone will make my path straight. I long for and desire peace and stillness and am thankful that I serve Jehovah Shalom- the God of Peace.

Elizabeth M, desires peace...

I did some sowing...

Here are some more pictures of my room....

I decided to make a Duvet cover and sow on some hand made patches. I think I did quite a good job if I do say so myself...Elizabeth M makes Duvet Covers. Enjoy !

I guess i'm home

I was hoping that my first post about moving to Colorado would be a fun and exciting one. Instead, i find myself a little like a fish out of water. I really don't know what i'm doing. I'm sad and kinda strangely alone. I think alone is fine it just new and was not what I expected. The pictures are of my new home and room. Hope that you enjoy.

I'm going to miss this face!

This is Jorge, aka Chi Chi! He's my baby boy and has gotten so big! I will not be taking him with me to colorado but am so excited to share this picture with you. I hope you enjoy! I will miss you my little buddy! love you lots and lots! Love a member of your pack, "mom"!

My Walk

Today I took a walk in a place I have found to be very comforting. Here are some pictures of quite possibly my last walk there...

And God Answered...

I needed something today, i asked... and God answered. Not only did i know it was him, i could feel his peace and stillness calm my weary heart. Lord let me never forget.

A 5K RUN!

TODAY I had the honor of watching my friend Morgan Harper run her first 5k. Thought i would take a moment to say WOOT WOOT to this fine hot mamma ! She ran it in 26.11 her goal was 25!

Congrats Morgan and Good Luck next week!

waiting through the water...

This is what I opened my door too the other day when it stormed. I had to take off my shoes, socks, and rolled up my pant legs. I guess you could say "Elizabeth M, walks bare foot in the rain"

oh its ok..wait not its not!

I dont have a problem with confronting an issue that needs to be addressed. However, I tend to only confront when I half too, rather then when I need to. I would rather just walk away, letting you stay right where you are in your unlovingness (if thats a word) and non growth.

After hearing a persons weak excuse on why they did not call, text, write, during this whole life changing event in my life, i did not respond with my usual "its ok, i understand." Today I told someone, its not ok and that you really should have walked through your own fear and made sure I was ok. Because thats what i deserved...because thats what you promised to me.

Now i'm sure it sounds like i had this very drawn out confrontation with loud words, full of anger and adrenaline but it was not. I don't think that person even knows what happened, in fact i know they don't. But i stood up for my self in these simple words: You really should have called...

My tone was not sarcastic or condescending, in fact, i think in a way, it was loving. I spoke the truth, I protected myself and reaffirmed my value in my own mind. Right when i said it, I knew what i had done and i became very proud of myself. I'm not sure exactly why at this exact time i had this brake through but I did...and for that i'm thankful because today i had the strength to protect Elizabeth M.

Good Morning Sister

Good Morning my lovely sister. Smile for me today because your smile adds so much light to your already present beauty. Laugh, so that the happiness seeps into your soul and can be shown to all others. Be yourself, because there is no one better to be .

This is a text message my brother sent me this morning...

Place of Peace and Healing

On the edge of town, not two far from where I grew up, there is a sweet little house that reminds me of a cottage. The door is never locked and the grass is always accompanied by delicate flowers.

When you step through this little house's threshold, you will be greeted by bosco, the ever so healthy, chocolate lab. The kitchen and dining room are open and ready. Ready for cooking, ready for tea, or ready to supply you with marshmallows and chocolate to roast and make smores in the back yard.

Up the narrow stairway that welcomes you and to the left is a room with yellow walls. Every time i walk in that room i feel like i've stepped back, not in time but to a place of innocence and peace. Simply breathing in the air here makes it just a little better. And thats what I have needed, a place that i can find peace to feel a little better.

On september 4th, 2010. I will move into the Crumbs house in Lafayette, Colorado. There i will wait. I will wait for peace, for healing, for the quiet moments that will bring me through the darkest parts of me and place me in the light.

I have friends here, memories here, and moments just waiting for me. What a perfect place to find who you are...what a perfect place to find Elizabeth M.

Colorado...i found you

I flew home for a few days...

Each time i fly into the DIA airport i have an overwhelming sense of safety, happiness, and even a little excitement. Colorado is the place where i started my journey, where i first cried, sang, smiled and where i first believed. I had a strong sense, to make sure i took in the outside and colorado s magestic presence.

I took a walk through the streets in old town Lafayette. I have always found it beautiful there. When i have imagined growing old, it has always been in a place much like that. Each house unique and special in its own way. The streets are quiet and the cement sidewalks cracked and uneven. The people are simple, most families with kids, middle class, honest, hard working and for the most part, content with life in this place.

As a girl i would ride my bike up and down the streets in this area, wondering about he people, the architecture, and the stories that filled the walls of each house. I would dream about my house, kids, and what stories would fill the walls of my home. I still wonder....

I was thankful for the company i had as i walked down the streets from my childhood. This time though, i was not the same girl, with innocent hopes and dreams. I was a women with certainty, intention, excitement, and surprisingly still full of hope.

My friends were there to love me, to welcome me home and remind me of the Elizabeth M i have been to them. It was comforting being in places i knew, with people i loved. Much has still changed however, we are all different in so many ways. But even in the changes that have taken place i see that there is still comfort in who we all are and are still becoming.

I sat near a garden and breathed in the cool crisp air. When evening came and I ventured back and i felt a strong sense that this is a place, i will find myself again.

Before i leave this life....

My wise friend Ashleigh asked me a very simple question...what do i want to do with this life?

I want to be called, Mother, Wife, Daughter, Sister, Friend. Most of all lover of God. I want to be a person who does not add to the pain of this life but guides others to freedom. I want to protect my children, nurture my lover and sing the song in my heart.

Today I enter into a new season in my life, you see, i'm moving my things out today. I have things packed in boxs, bags, and bins. Torey is here to help me move. I'm excited about this season, i'm unsure about this season. What will this all bring? I'm not sure but i know i have no excuses to not seek out Gods best. May i be real, may i be me....

love always,

ME...ELizabeth M

How soon its back

I'm not even single and i already find myself wondering about who he is or how i'm going to find "him". I guess i'm not worried about him but more of what will be different this time. I was a virgin when i got marred and compared to what i know now, quite innocent. Will i wait to have sex? what about before i get serious? how long will that take, a month a week a year? will i even get married again? i sure hope so....

Where do i start, at home in Colorado? Or do I move home? or should i just stop worrying and pray, just be still. I'm so afraid. I don't want to leave but should i go.

I just talked to Preston and i just dont understand. He says i'm a wonderful and amazing person. BUT dose not want to be with me. My pain is so much... my hurt I cant even feel at one time. I think that is why it comes in waves. i cant physically take it all in at one time. I keep remembering the line in the movie under the tuskin sun. "you know it doesn't actually kill you." I very much understand what she means. It hurts so much, but some how i'm still breathing. I guess i'm going to be ok...Actually I know i am

Dare i say...pottery class

I'm going insane, i need something to do. I just go to work come home and feel sorry for myself. But what to do. V-ball with sarah this saturday sounds ok but i'm not much of a competitive person. Pottery class also sounds Sweet but where do people find such things? Then there is dancing, painting, and i'm sure much more.

I did read a book, i think its the fifth one in quite possibly my entire life time. And that just ended too! So do i go get another book or make myself go to the gym? I know good question right.

Well time for a nap! Guess Elizabeth M is a napper? for now anyway....

Today

Today is my first bolg, its a beginning as i find myself at an ending. Maybe this will be my only blog or maybe it will be something for me or even for you. Becoming Elizabeth M is what I want to blog about, share and discover. I know a lot about me but feel for some reason i need to go back to the beginning. I like beginnings, they are fresh like sun dried laundry and well, i'm sad so, "fresh sun dried laundry" sounds like a good place to start.

A few years ago i was asked to interview my mother about my birth. It was unknown to me at the time but she has a very sweet story about the day i came to be Elizabeth M. My father, Tony, wanted to name me Elizabeth, M stands for Margaret (my great grandmother who died in February, two months before i was born) and my last name was Swedlund. Not sure there is much to say other then Swedlund is a strange last name.

My mother started off with, "you were late..." as she began to tell her story of the day i was born. i consider myself to always be just on time but according to those who go strictly by the clock, we will call it LATE. It was later i found that i was in fact, a whole month late. But getting back to my point, my mother starts her story like this...

It was the sixth day I was in false labor and decided to walk to try and induce... I was so exited to meet my little girl and could just not wait another day. I began to cry as I walked and wondered why it was taking so long. As I passed by a house a little old lady asked me what was wrong. I explained to her that I was waiting and did not know if THIS was it or just another false alarm. The women i met said that it would be ok and that i would come at just the right moment. She also said that I should go home and take a hot bath. If the pain was still there after that, then it would be time to call the doctor.

She was right, later that afternoon i was born at 6 pounds and 12 onces. There was some trauma but over all i was a healthy, beautiful and fully loved little girl. April 3, 1985 i was born and became Elizabeth M a name i have always loved. On that day i started my life journey, and the first capture. although i'm not sure how many captures there have been from that moment on I know that today is the beginning of a new one.

It is a sad ending though, you see my husband of three years has decided to give up, he cant pretend that hes let go of the past and does not want to be my husband. So we are no longer to to be together as one. There is very few things i have and understand completely but i do know that the sun will come up tomorrow and i will start another day. I get to start being Elizabeth M again, whomever she has or will become.