Here I am today

I have wanted to post several times but have not had the basics...internet connection. I always seem to get distracted and never seem to write down what I want to post.

There has been a lot that I have discovered about myself that is honestly NEW to me. I feel I will have to wait to share it all, primarily because I have to go home and don't have that internet. but i thought that I would share something. I had attended a divorce recover group and they talked about how there are stages and how you will walk through them. As with i feel everyone I'm not even close to following them in order! I've been through the denial and anger and moved on to whats next but I'm grieving last....

Yup... I'm sad that a relationship, a person, has been taken out of my life. I don't get to hear his jokes or race him to the mailbox or even hear him say one of his ridiculous nick names he had for me. That is gone and not coming back. Its taken me a bit to realize that I miss those things and yet also know that in grieving those things I don't have to go back; too living in a relationship that was destructive to myself and the other person. I have a really good mother and she listens when I call and cry.

Although, it has been strange to start grieving, its at least nice to know where and what I am...I'm not crazy, not in denial, might still get angry but grieving is what it is today and with so much it take time to move forward..in one piece.

Elizabeth M will: cry, grieve, smile, laugh...and one day...fully know and be herself.