How soon its back

I'm not even single and i already find myself wondering about who he is or how i'm going to find "him". I guess i'm not worried about him but more of what will be different this time. I was a virgin when i got marred and compared to what i know now, quite innocent. Will i wait to have sex? what about before i get serious? how long will that take, a month a week a year? will i even get married again? i sure hope so....

Where do i start, at home in Colorado? Or do I move home? or should i just stop worrying and pray, just be still. I'm so afraid. I don't want to leave but should i go.

I just talked to Preston and i just dont understand. He says i'm a wonderful and amazing person. BUT dose not want to be with me. My pain is so much... my hurt I cant even feel at one time. I think that is why it comes in waves. i cant physically take it all in at one time. I keep remembering the line in the movie under the tuskin sun. "you know it doesn't actually kill you." I very much understand what she means. It hurts so much, but some how i'm still breathing. I guess i'm going to be ok...Actually I know i am