Words two

This was the first poem I ever wrote, its a little rough and there is so much going on. I think I tried to put all my life experiences in one literary mold.

a poem

As a little child would never know

what danger the heart faced

The translucent pain that would

find this life in a dreary mess.

Secrets hidden for generations and

lies consumption taken control

while other souls held at bay.

Buried would bitterness and a torn heart

lay beneath the pretense that show

Acwored and hesitant facing this world

questioning only what was feared,

everything

Grasping however the light some times seen

but only glimpses would they explain

Above the lies and hate hope would bring first fruits

and rest for the soul caught within the darkness

whose hue what tainted, (as) light.

Tattered hope will only sustain

but never bring release

A choice must be made,

face that witch is alone and dark

or forever run into its infinites (existence)

Not alone, will this darkness be challenge

For a friend would not only pass buy but stop!

To nurturer and teach the frightened and captive heart

By Elizabeth M

Raw Words day one

The summer of 2006 was one of the most memorable ones of my adult life. My dad lived in Big Springs Texas, 11 hours from Westminster , Colorado. He offered to have me come and spend three weeks with him traveling between texas, oklahoma, and more of texas. I had just broken up with preston and thought that it was going to be the best option I could have asked for. Besides I had not spent more then a day with my father in a long time.

Knowing that I had to rent a car and drive to texas alone, I requested the aid of my friends to burn me CD's. Josiah burned me every, single Ben Folds album because at the time I was obsessed and felt cool listening to it. Justin made me sweet a mix that opened my mind to such bands as yellow card and some other band that he would be disappointed I forgot the name of. Shoot, if i could only remember. Then liz made me three or four silly songs CD's to keep me awake and Snooky made me some betharoni mix's as well. It is of note, to express that those mix CD's are of the most valuable and loved of any I have ever received.

The night before I left, Justin and Josiah stayed up all night watching movies and then came over to make me breakfast. I think it was something like three or four in the morning. Again, something that I treasure to this day.

As I set out on my own, in my shiny silver honda civic rental car- my all time favorite care- I was proud of myself for doing such a brave and simple thing. Little did I know about the summer that awaited me and how the events and conversations, somehow shaped the tone for how the next seven years of my life would proceed. That it would be the last time I can clearly define who I was and the last time I remember being confident in my life and its purpose. Ultimately, it was the last summer I was protected my by ignorance and began to loose my innocence.

Danielle is someone who has been a part of my life and seems to say just the right thing at the perfect time. She mentioned a writing challenge over the next month and I am thinking of participating, this is my attempt. There is no editing no, going back and redoing, only raw words....

Elizabeth M, longs to write words

Tragedy...a poem for Chico

TO BE READ ALOUD:

We are not given at birth, knowledge of the future.
There is no guarantee that we will find success, happiness and love.
We enter this world with only hope.
Hope that our tomorrows, will be filled with the things we long for most.

Tragedy, the unavoidable fate of man?
I know that some believe tragedy is brought to teach us.
For other, it is the means to correct our path, when we have lost our way.
Sill for various reason, it could just be a random occurraence of bad luck.

How can we understand,
Why tragedy finds one and not the other,
How He deserves and they are spared.
I do not pretend to know, tragedies purposes.

I will not bost, that you will do again, what you once did.
But I will not speak against that hope.

I will believe that your tomorrows, will be filled with love, courage and peace.
I stad -from a distance- believing the best, with the many that love and know you.


Remember "Courage does not always roar, sometimes courage is the small voice at the end of the day that says, "i will try again, tomorrow."

Elizabeth M....

7 Things you may not know..about Elizabeth M

I thought it might be fun to share some things about me, that you may or may not know. So here are seven quarky things about me. Feel free to leave one or two things about yourself in the comments below.

1. I have THREE favorite colors: blue, green and yellow
2. I love to sleep on my Back
3. I like to drink the extra pickle juice
4. I'm never confident that i'm spelilng my middle name correctly
5. I get nervious when I'm in a large body of water
6. I almost died from drinking straight vineger (how was i supposed to know it closes your airway?)
7. I secretyly have always wanted to sell Mary Kay ( please, don't judge me)

Elizabeth M

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Free five minute personalty test

Time to acept the good...

For Valentines day I was given a very thoughtful gift. A hour and a half massage. I had to wait a whole month to use my gift because the place was booked solid.However, the time finally came. It was a quiet little place behind a tattoo shop. It reminded me a lot of the houses and businesses in Boulder, CO. Rustic with a little bit of hippie mixed in. I know that's not real descriptive but its of little importance based on the purpose of this post. Anyway, I enjoyed the massage very much and found it to be quite relaxing. After, the gentlemen who gave me the massage sat with me in his office. He was making small talk about being healthy and eating right. I explained, how i was not eating wheat anymore to see if that was beneficial to my health. He then said something that I had an unexpected reaction too. He said, " you know for the most part you seem to be very healthy". My immediate internal response was "are you CRAZY? I'm a mess". I have issues with this and that and if you only knew about whatever. However, I smiled, said thank you and then tipped and left. When I was driving home I wondered about my reaction. Why did I instantly reject the observation that I was healthy? I mean, I am cutting bread out of my diet, the most amazing thing to eat! I suffer through sit ups and pull ups, in the name of fitness and I do try and get a full nights rest, every chance I get. So why would I so quickly reject "healthy" as something that describes me. Isn't that my intention? I realized that I have been defining myself by my Issues. I receive sympathy for my issues from others. Which can be comforting and nice. Its real and i do have to deal with it daily. But i don't have to be defined by my medical "issues". Then I thought, "if I'm healthy, now what"? If I have overall health, what do i focus on now? Obviously I continue to maintain and miniature my health. But maybe I now can focus on life, others, goals, school, etc. I guess Elizabeth M is healthy and that's enough to know for now.

Fairy Tails and all that Jazz...

Please enjoy this post, there are a few movie spoilers so be aware...

I recently watched all three of the twilight movies, the epic tail of Edward and Bella and their true love. I expectedly, enjoy it and lost myself in their tale. However, it reminded me of why I very purposefully try to avoid these types of "true love" fairy tales when ever possible.

I primarily do this because, I know that I "feel" stories, movies and books. I find that I don't watch or listen, I feel the emotions of the characters. For instance, when there are embarrassing moments in movies, I find, I literally CANT watch because I myself, feel embarrassed. People make fun of me because if you look over at my face during a movie, I often times will be mimicking the facial expressions of the characters.

With this knowledge about myself in mind, I try to not watch movies with great tragic tales, or sad un-reconcilable endings. I find that after I embark on those types of journeys with directors or authors, I am a mess. I find myself trying to get over how Kevin Costner sacrificed his life in The Guardian or how despite his gift, john coffey, was excited in the Green Mile. All the while trying to serve coffee at work and interact with my day to day reality. But however difficult it is for me to experience tragedy through movies, tails of true love are even more impossible for me come back to reality from.

Recently, after watching twilight I was faced with the idea of "true love". This time however, i was faced with the reality that its not real. You see, I have wanted all my life to be the absolute desire of someone and in return experience passion, protection, and ultimately unconditional love. Growing up I misunderstood that "saving myself" or being obedient would bring to me this type of love in marriage/life. However, it just isn't the way life is. Devastated, I called my mom to tell her how distraught I was that I will never be anyones Juliet. That I will never find an Edward and live forever in the arms of my one true love.

As I have processed, I think I have begun a journey in understanding a more, realistic love, a possible love, and ultimately a healthier love. Most tragic loves end because the two were so consumed with each other that, nothing ells mattered. When in reality, people and others matter. The more I thought about this, I seriously begged for an answer that would make me at the very least "ok" with a life without "true love".

The conclusion I have come to is this: A god or devine being is the only one I could have this passion and tale of true love with. That I am possibly not even capable of all that love on my own. That people by themselves with all their messiness are not even able to sustain that type of desire and love.

I want to say that I'm there! I found my true love in God... but I havent. I'm not saying that I don't believe in God, its just that I have not found that part of God that complets me. I know that when I was young I knew that part but it is not there today, and the why i'm not completely

sure is important for right now.

Now please understand that i'm not creating a philosophy but simply sharing my journey. Believe me, I have literally spent weeks morning over the idea that "fair tails are not real". Real tears, real loss, real heartbreak has passed through me when trying to understand this.

As far as romantic love. I believe in desire between two people. I also believe in attraction and happiness. But that with two people who share those things, comes the fading of desire, a change in attractions and sometimes a replacement of happiness with sacrifice and commitment.

I believe that I have a poetic heart and that I will always look for "true love". But logically, to make it through this life without a broken heart, I feel I need to look at the reality that true love is quite possibly, not attainable between two people. It just might be in something greater.

Elizabeth M believes for true love...